I can turn anything into a Bible lesson. Nothing escapes my fundamentalist powers. Even with my declining belief my mind will still contort seemingly meaningless minutia into inspired messages from God. Some people are bad at this and should not try to keep up with those of us who are gifted.
For example, in an episode that has lived in infamy, my youth pastor once tried to teach a Bible lesson using a Mr. Potato Head with a picture of Jesus stuck inside. This was disastrous. However, he’s a genuinely good guy so I guess we can forgo the heretic brand.
I once came up with a Bible lesson for teenagers using a baseball bat. I was sweating it because I was speaking to a state youth camp in a matter of minutes and I didn’t have anything to say. (Wow, I really valued the eternal home of their souls). There was a baseball bat in the corner of the gym. It all came to me in about ten second. (Maybe it was divinely inspired and I should have canonized.)
The baseball bat lesson went like this.
We have all sinned. I then asked the kids to call out some sins. Not their own of course, but some they had heard about other kids doing. I then wrote these sins on the baseball bat with a Sharpie. I then said that this bat was like Satan. He tries to beat us down with our past sins. In a stroke of genius I then asked the smallest frailest girl I could find to break the bat. She of course could not but I could. So I broke the bat over my knee. I then said that this was what Jesus did. He took away Satan’s bat so he could no longer beat us with our past sins.
Alter call, prayer, let’s eat ice cream.
This ridiculous exercise worked. The alters were full. Never let it be said that appealing to people’s sense of guilt doesn’t work. I used this same lesson multiple times and it always worked. This was my money shot.
Not only did this impress the kids but it also helped me with the single female youth workers. I just broke a baseball bat over my knee. I could be a member of the Power Team. For those of you lucky enough not know who the Power Team are, they are a bunch of guys who go around preaching Jesus by performing feats of strength. Breaking ice blocks, breaking bats, bench pressing while lying on a bed of nails, etc.
See, I told you, some people can turn anything into a Bible lesson.
Let me give you another one.
When I was a kid I loved to play with He-Man, Masters of the Universe. I had all the characters, the castles, the vehicles. You name is I had it.
Now He-Man was much like Superman in that he had a secret identify. When he was not running around wearing a fur Speedo and saving the universe he was the mild mannered Prince. It was only when he drew his magic sword and said “I have the power!!!” that he became He-Man.
If you think hard you might see the Biblical connection.
Evangelicals are fond of calling the Bible our sword. When we are kids we have “Sword Drills” where we try to be the first one to find a scripture when the teacher calls it out. No tabbed Bibles allowed because the truly holy can find books of the bible just be knowing the distance between the covers.
Yes, the Bible is our sword. Before we know the Bible we are just meek mild mannered, unable to defend ourselves from the arrows the enemy. However, when we draw our sword/Bible we then become He-Man. Probably without the fur loincloth because that’s not modest and the Bible teaches us to be modest.
There you go. The theology of He-Man.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Chains
When I was a kid I was a fan of He-Man, Masters of the Universe. I had all the figures and the castles. My parents were great about that kind of thing. I use to lie on the floor for hours and have them wrestle each other WWF style. (You should read my post about making a Bible lesson out of anything)
One of the toys came with a video. This wasn’t a reproduction of the cartoons you saw on TV. This thing was low budget and had the production value of a 70’s porno. The theme of the video has always stayed with me, which I guess is something of a tribute.
He-Man’s arch nemesis is Skeletor. Seeing as He-Man is nearly indestructible Skeletor can never quite defeat him. The opening scene of the cartoon shows Skeletor talking to his IQ challenged sidekick Beastman. Skeletor explains to Beastman that he is going to bind He-Man with chains. Beastman correctly points out that He-Man can break any chains. Skeletor corrects him by telling him these are going to be chains of Duty.
I don’t remember many details from this point on but Skeletor obviously tries to put He-Man is some kind of dilemma over conflicting duties. It of course doesn’t work and He-Man is eventually victorious. I love it when the good guy wins.
Chain’s of Duty. It’s an interesting concept.
I was reminded of this little cartoon while watching the new episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8. (Yes, I’m pretty sure my sexuality is in question because of this.) I’m not going to take the time to explain the show, but if you know anything about it, you know these two Parental gems have a set of twins and a set of sextuplets. (That’s the plus 8 part.) They are having marital troubles for a number of reasons but that’s not my point. My point is that the husband is obviously tied to this TV show - and his wife for that matter – by chains of duty. Maybe he signed a contract, maybe he has financial obligations that won’t let him leave, maybe his wife really does keep his balls in a jar on her desk but regardless, this guy is definitely in chains.
I’ve found that many Christians both devout and backslidden live everyday chained down by chains of duty (guilt?). I am no exception. What’s more, Christians react violently to those who have left the faith and who completely throw off the chains of duty. It is as if there is still this expectation that the backslider will still hold relatively close to the old ideas and rules.
I wonder how life would be without chains of duty.
Several years ago one of my former mentors announced to the world that he now preferred penises and that in fact he was never really all that into vaginas. He was a well respected worship pastor and over the years had developed a mentor type relationship with many young people. Needless to say this had repercussions. He was no longer allowed to pastor in our particular denomination, he and his wife divorced, and many people stopped speaking to him. I’m sure his experience has been repeated thousands of time in the church.
Honestly, I can’t quite reconcile what he’s done in my own mind. I’m still pretty much a homophobe. Still, who wants to live their life denying who they are and being miserable? I can certainly understand why he might make that choice. Also, who am I say he can’t put his penis where he wants to?
Sorry, I’m straying from the point just so I can make penis jokes.
What I really want to ask my friend (if you ever read this, I still consider you a dear friend) is, are you really happier? Having thrown off the chains of duty do you really live your life in a more satisfying and fulfilling way? How did you make it through the initial pain your choice caused those around you?
I don’t ask these questions in an accusatory way. These are real questions that may not have easy answers.
My penis loving friend once posted a quote to his MySpace page that went something like this “Abominable no more, now quite authentic.”
I wonder, is my large gay friend really He-Man?
One of the toys came with a video. This wasn’t a reproduction of the cartoons you saw on TV. This thing was low budget and had the production value of a 70’s porno. The theme of the video has always stayed with me, which I guess is something of a tribute.
He-Man’s arch nemesis is Skeletor. Seeing as He-Man is nearly indestructible Skeletor can never quite defeat him. The opening scene of the cartoon shows Skeletor talking to his IQ challenged sidekick Beastman. Skeletor explains to Beastman that he is going to bind He-Man with chains. Beastman correctly points out that He-Man can break any chains. Skeletor corrects him by telling him these are going to be chains of Duty.
I don’t remember many details from this point on but Skeletor obviously tries to put He-Man is some kind of dilemma over conflicting duties. It of course doesn’t work and He-Man is eventually victorious. I love it when the good guy wins.
Chain’s of Duty. It’s an interesting concept.
I was reminded of this little cartoon while watching the new episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8. (Yes, I’m pretty sure my sexuality is in question because of this.) I’m not going to take the time to explain the show, but if you know anything about it, you know these two Parental gems have a set of twins and a set of sextuplets. (That’s the plus 8 part.) They are having marital troubles for a number of reasons but that’s not my point. My point is that the husband is obviously tied to this TV show - and his wife for that matter – by chains of duty. Maybe he signed a contract, maybe he has financial obligations that won’t let him leave, maybe his wife really does keep his balls in a jar on her desk but regardless, this guy is definitely in chains.
I’ve found that many Christians both devout and backslidden live everyday chained down by chains of duty (guilt?). I am no exception. What’s more, Christians react violently to those who have left the faith and who completely throw off the chains of duty. It is as if there is still this expectation that the backslider will still hold relatively close to the old ideas and rules.
I wonder how life would be without chains of duty.
Several years ago one of my former mentors announced to the world that he now preferred penises and that in fact he was never really all that into vaginas. He was a well respected worship pastor and over the years had developed a mentor type relationship with many young people. Needless to say this had repercussions. He was no longer allowed to pastor in our particular denomination, he and his wife divorced, and many people stopped speaking to him. I’m sure his experience has been repeated thousands of time in the church.
Honestly, I can’t quite reconcile what he’s done in my own mind. I’m still pretty much a homophobe. Still, who wants to live their life denying who they are and being miserable? I can certainly understand why he might make that choice. Also, who am I say he can’t put his penis where he wants to?
Sorry, I’m straying from the point just so I can make penis jokes.
What I really want to ask my friend (if you ever read this, I still consider you a dear friend) is, are you really happier? Having thrown off the chains of duty do you really live your life in a more satisfying and fulfilling way? How did you make it through the initial pain your choice caused those around you?
I don’t ask these questions in an accusatory way. These are real questions that may not have easy answers.
My penis loving friend once posted a quote to his MySpace page that went something like this “Abominable no more, now quite authentic.”
I wonder, is my large gay friend really He-Man?
Walter Mitty
I started this blog under a pseudonym because there are many people who I do not want to read my writings. Call it arrogant if you want but most of my friends and family are incapable of handling (accepting?) questions about faith and react angrily to anything that might “redefine” what being a Christian looks like. This is evidenced by my wife whom I love.
By expressing my doubt and voicing my less than full faith in the Bible I have deeply wounded her. I have launched an assault on the things that she believes most deeply and holds most dear. She believes with every ounce of her being all the core beliefs of a good Billy Graham evangelical. My rejection, complete or in pieces, of these core beliefs is an affront to everything, even our marriage vows.
To her the Bible is without error. If confronted with a contradiction between the Bible and an external source such as historical records, scientific evidence, etc then in her view it is the extra-biblical material that must be in error.
Below is quote from a blog I recently read. I find the last line to more accurately portray most evangelicals view of Christianity than anything I have read in recent memory.
“… I recognize that Christian belief emerges from a matrix of the text of Holy Scripture, the history of interpretation, cultural and sub-cultural presuppositions, the use of reason, the place of experience, the wisdom of the teachers of the larger church and the work of the Holy Spirit in revealing more light. I embrace this more complex understanding of Christian belief as part of the great stream of Christian existence, and I reject any notions that Christian belief falls from the sky as a magic book that exists apart from other components of human experience.”
“…Christian belief falls from the sky as a magic book that exists apart from other components of human experience.”
This might be my favorite line ever written.
So back to Walter Mitty.
If you are mildly interested in literature you may have read the short story “The Secret life of Walter Mitty” by James Thurber. It was required reading in one of my high school English classes. I hated English in school. I guess it would be more appropriate to say that I hated English teachers, so the fact that this story has stuck with me through the years says something.
It’s the story of a man named Walter Mitty who is driving his wife to town for her weekly appointment with the hairdresser. We are introduced to his wife as she berates her husband for going fifty-five miles an hour when he knows she does not like going above forty.
Walter’s laps in memory is because he is day dreaming about flying a Navy plane in the middle of a storm. The story of his trip to town is interspersed with several episodes of his daydreaming. A pilot, a surgeon, a pilot again, then finally a firing squad. The message is clear, at least to me. In order for Walter to muddle through his life he must compartmentalize and live a “secret” life. In his case it is in his mind and puts him at the center of the plot as the hero of the story.
I have believed for some time now that my life may well end up like this short story. This blog is part of the evidence. Here I can “daydream” if you will about my true thoughts and feelings without risk of hurting those I love. (I do realize that my lack of belief causes them pain) I can live a different life as Walter Mitty.
Work is another example.
I was once a pastor. My greatest gift was preaching and I have to admit I was damn good at it. However, I was disrespected, treated poorly, stolen from, and generally abused by Christians in the church. (read some of my other posts for humorous treatments of these events.) Now, I work in the business world. I am becoming increasingly versed in finance and have good command of many topics we hear discussed in the news and in print. I interact with sophisticated investors on a daily basis and I’ve been interviewed on NPR regarding the economic downturn. I have found that I posses a rather unsuspected knack for thriving in the corporate world and I plan to make as much money as I can. My career goal is to become the mythical “MAN”
Here’s my current mindset in a nutshell.
You’ve all heard the following pithy statement, or something similar “Be careful that you don’t get to the top of the ladder only to find that is was leaning against the wrong building”. Christians love this one and it gets repeated at least once a year in most churches. My thought is maybe the church has been wrong for along time. I’ve tried the churches way and it sucked, so lets try it the other way and see if the church is right.
Back to my point
The idea of this kind of life does give me some pause though.
Maybe it’s the lack of a bigger purpose for my life. I’d like to be very cynical about this but in reality this is one the things that does bother me about a change of ideals. I want to provide for my family and make enough money to pursue my interests. This is the sum total of why I exist. Maybe that’s shallow but I don’t really care and the fact that I don’t seem to care, concerns me.
I do wonder though if many years from now lying on my deathbed if I will look back and recognize that I didn’t live with a big enough purpose and feel great sadness. Walter Mitty seems like a reasonably effective way to muddle through a less then extraordinary life but I’m not sure I will be happy with the results in the end.
By expressing my doubt and voicing my less than full faith in the Bible I have deeply wounded her. I have launched an assault on the things that she believes most deeply and holds most dear. She believes with every ounce of her being all the core beliefs of a good Billy Graham evangelical. My rejection, complete or in pieces, of these core beliefs is an affront to everything, even our marriage vows.
To her the Bible is without error. If confronted with a contradiction between the Bible and an external source such as historical records, scientific evidence, etc then in her view it is the extra-biblical material that must be in error.
Below is quote from a blog I recently read. I find the last line to more accurately portray most evangelicals view of Christianity than anything I have read in recent memory.
“… I recognize that Christian belief emerges from a matrix of the text of Holy Scripture, the history of interpretation, cultural and sub-cultural presuppositions, the use of reason, the place of experience, the wisdom of the teachers of the larger church and the work of the Holy Spirit in revealing more light. I embrace this more complex understanding of Christian belief as part of the great stream of Christian existence, and I reject any notions that Christian belief falls from the sky as a magic book that exists apart from other components of human experience.”
“…Christian belief falls from the sky as a magic book that exists apart from other components of human experience.”
This might be my favorite line ever written.
So back to Walter Mitty.
If you are mildly interested in literature you may have read the short story “The Secret life of Walter Mitty” by James Thurber. It was required reading in one of my high school English classes. I hated English in school. I guess it would be more appropriate to say that I hated English teachers, so the fact that this story has stuck with me through the years says something.
It’s the story of a man named Walter Mitty who is driving his wife to town for her weekly appointment with the hairdresser. We are introduced to his wife as she berates her husband for going fifty-five miles an hour when he knows she does not like going above forty.
Walter’s laps in memory is because he is day dreaming about flying a Navy plane in the middle of a storm. The story of his trip to town is interspersed with several episodes of his daydreaming. A pilot, a surgeon, a pilot again, then finally a firing squad. The message is clear, at least to me. In order for Walter to muddle through his life he must compartmentalize and live a “secret” life. In his case it is in his mind and puts him at the center of the plot as the hero of the story.
I have believed for some time now that my life may well end up like this short story. This blog is part of the evidence. Here I can “daydream” if you will about my true thoughts and feelings without risk of hurting those I love. (I do realize that my lack of belief causes them pain) I can live a different life as Walter Mitty.
Work is another example.
I was once a pastor. My greatest gift was preaching and I have to admit I was damn good at it. However, I was disrespected, treated poorly, stolen from, and generally abused by Christians in the church. (read some of my other posts for humorous treatments of these events.) Now, I work in the business world. I am becoming increasingly versed in finance and have good command of many topics we hear discussed in the news and in print. I interact with sophisticated investors on a daily basis and I’ve been interviewed on NPR regarding the economic downturn. I have found that I posses a rather unsuspected knack for thriving in the corporate world and I plan to make as much money as I can. My career goal is to become the mythical “MAN”
Here’s my current mindset in a nutshell.
You’ve all heard the following pithy statement, or something similar “Be careful that you don’t get to the top of the ladder only to find that is was leaning against the wrong building”. Christians love this one and it gets repeated at least once a year in most churches. My thought is maybe the church has been wrong for along time. I’ve tried the churches way and it sucked, so lets try it the other way and see if the church is right.
Back to my point
The idea of this kind of life does give me some pause though.
Maybe it’s the lack of a bigger purpose for my life. I’d like to be very cynical about this but in reality this is one the things that does bother me about a change of ideals. I want to provide for my family and make enough money to pursue my interests. This is the sum total of why I exist. Maybe that’s shallow but I don’t really care and the fact that I don’t seem to care, concerns me.
I do wonder though if many years from now lying on my deathbed if I will look back and recognize that I didn’t live with a big enough purpose and feel great sadness. Walter Mitty seems like a reasonably effective way to muddle through a less then extraordinary life but I’m not sure I will be happy with the results in the end.
Friday, May 29, 2009
I see that hand...
One of the challenges I face is writing without editing myself.
I've spent most of my life regurgitating the standard Christian dogma and to be fair, some of it I truly believed. In fact, there are still parts that I find meaningful. However, I was like most Christians who say many things because they are "part of the package" and not because they have truly discovered that belief for themselves.
In many ways most Christians have not read the fine print of their contract. Many could not tell you why they hold one theological view point over another. (With the advent and popularization of the Mega-Church it's become difficult to find Christians who have any clue about theology. Mega-churches in general are very good at getting people in the door but very bad at educated them once they have them drinking the cool aid.) I have found that what church a person grows up in is typically what dictates the kind of theology a person will have. That seems intuitive to me because to some extend, believer or non-believer, we are all indoctrinated by the environment we grow up in.
However, I have come to believe that our theology, what we believe about God, is far too important of an issue to leave to the ovarian lottery.
Let me Pontificate
I grew up in a church that believed that a person's salvation could be lost. For example, I might be saved today but if over the next year, I began drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping with strippers then my salvation might be in jeopardy. The college I attended also held that view. It was years later when I actually became intellectually curious that I realized that this was a minority viewpoint among Christian traditions. Most American Evangelicals believe that once you are saved you are safe from the fires of Hell forever. (Eternally Secure)
However, most people who claim to believe in Eternal Security are wimps about it. When someone who was once committed to the faith falls away and begins living a sinful life, Eternal Securists will typically say "They must not have been saved in the first place". I find this statement among the most repugnant things I've ever witnessed in Christianity.
It's as if the person is saying "I believe in Eternal Security as long as someone continues to follow Jesus. If they stray from the straight and narrow then they must never have been saved at all." As if getting saved suddenly removes your free will.
I say, if you're going to claim a theology, then stick to it and don't be such a pussy about it.
The theology of Eternal Security in its purest form is actually quit beautiful. The love, mercy, and forgiveness offered in Jesus Christ is so powerful that no sin, not marital infidelity, not homosexuality, not lying or gossip or slander, not even murder can overwhelm the redemptive act of Jesus Christ. That my friends is an amazing God concept and if that is your theology you shouldn't cheapen it applying it only when it makes you comfortable.
I was never able to fully settle this theological questions in my mind before I reached the point of not caring. You can make relatively sound arguments for either side using scripture which makes this a particularly difficult question for Protestants to work out.
My example above involving strippers, drinking, and drugs is pretty extreme and meant to be a bit tongue in cheek. However, if you are honest you can certainly see how this theology of losing ones salvation can lead to a great deal of legalism.
I'm getting far of course…
Part of the reason I started to blog (this still sounds funny to me) is because I wanted to put into words what I truly believe. I wanted some way to express in an unfiltered manner my thoughts on matters of faith.
These days my challenge is different. I no longer care about having the "correct" position. Now, I try not to harm those I love by uncovering the full extend of my disbelief. If my thoughts came out in an unedited flow my cynical and caustic attitude toward the church and Christians would be hurtful.
Christians typically can't be honest with themselves about what they think and feel. They are too concerned about figuring out what a Christian should say/think/do that they can't be honest. So they end up lying.
Let me paint a picture for the uninitiated.
It's the end of a typical church service. For the past hour, the music, the praying, and the sermon have all been building to the penultimate moment when the pastor asks this question "If you were to die on the way home from church are you 100% sure you would spend eternity with Jesus." Then the pastor typically says "Every head bowed and every eye closed" Then he leads all the sinners in a prayer accepting Jesus in their hearts so they can be 100% sure that if they hit by a bus they wont end up stoking the fires of Hell.
Then the pastor continues, "While heads are still bowed and eyes are still closed if you prayed that prayer with me and accepted the Lord Jesus as your savior would you just slip your hand up so I could see it."
This is the part where I typically throw up in my mouth. It's the same every time. The Pastor starts saying things like "I see that hand. Yes, I see your hand and your hand. Yes, yes, hands going up all over the sanctuary. Yes, Yes, I see your hand."
The pastor typically tells everyone to look up now and says that anyone who raised their hand should come down front after the service so he can give them a little gift and get them set up with material that will help them in their first days a new Christian.
There are two specific lies that stand out to me in this little interchange that is repeated thousands of times each Sunday.
1.) Anyone who says they are 100% sure that they will spend eternity in Heaven with Jesus is either lying or too stupid to be intellectually honest enough to admit that no one can be 100% sure.
2.) I have seldom seen a Pastor who did not lie about the number of hands they counted. I always look to see who raises their hands (so what? I'm an asshole.). I've seen pastors recognize raised hands like they were auctioning off the prize pig at the county fair, when in reality not a single hand was raised.
What if Christians were just honest and admitted that on bad days they might be only 50% sure that God even exists. What if a pastor admitted that their sermon sucked and no one had a "come to Jesus" moment? Would that be so bad, would that be counterproductive? …
(Pastor, by the way, don't like to admit that no one got saved because in most Christian theology it's the work of the Spirit that brings people to a place of Salvation. If no one gets saved then in reality it's the Spirits failure to act. Christians and Pastor particularly are very uncomfortable with that so they lie to help God save face.)
I've spent most of my life regurgitating the standard Christian dogma and to be fair, some of it I truly believed. In fact, there are still parts that I find meaningful. However, I was like most Christians who say many things because they are "part of the package" and not because they have truly discovered that belief for themselves.
In many ways most Christians have not read the fine print of their contract. Many could not tell you why they hold one theological view point over another. (With the advent and popularization of the Mega-Church it's become difficult to find Christians who have any clue about theology. Mega-churches in general are very good at getting people in the door but very bad at educated them once they have them drinking the cool aid.) I have found that what church a person grows up in is typically what dictates the kind of theology a person will have. That seems intuitive to me because to some extend, believer or non-believer, we are all indoctrinated by the environment we grow up in.
However, I have come to believe that our theology, what we believe about God, is far too important of an issue to leave to the ovarian lottery.
Let me Pontificate
I grew up in a church that believed that a person's salvation could be lost. For example, I might be saved today but if over the next year, I began drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping with strippers then my salvation might be in jeopardy. The college I attended also held that view. It was years later when I actually became intellectually curious that I realized that this was a minority viewpoint among Christian traditions. Most American Evangelicals believe that once you are saved you are safe from the fires of Hell forever. (Eternally Secure)
However, most people who claim to believe in Eternal Security are wimps about it. When someone who was once committed to the faith falls away and begins living a sinful life, Eternal Securists will typically say "They must not have been saved in the first place". I find this statement among the most repugnant things I've ever witnessed in Christianity.
It's as if the person is saying "I believe in Eternal Security as long as someone continues to follow Jesus. If they stray from the straight and narrow then they must never have been saved at all." As if getting saved suddenly removes your free will.
I say, if you're going to claim a theology, then stick to it and don't be such a pussy about it.
The theology of Eternal Security in its purest form is actually quit beautiful. The love, mercy, and forgiveness offered in Jesus Christ is so powerful that no sin, not marital infidelity, not homosexuality, not lying or gossip or slander, not even murder can overwhelm the redemptive act of Jesus Christ. That my friends is an amazing God concept and if that is your theology you shouldn't cheapen it applying it only when it makes you comfortable.
I was never able to fully settle this theological questions in my mind before I reached the point of not caring. You can make relatively sound arguments for either side using scripture which makes this a particularly difficult question for Protestants to work out.
My example above involving strippers, drinking, and drugs is pretty extreme and meant to be a bit tongue in cheek. However, if you are honest you can certainly see how this theology of losing ones salvation can lead to a great deal of legalism.
I'm getting far of course…
Part of the reason I started to blog (this still sounds funny to me) is because I wanted to put into words what I truly believe. I wanted some way to express in an unfiltered manner my thoughts on matters of faith.
These days my challenge is different. I no longer care about having the "correct" position. Now, I try not to harm those I love by uncovering the full extend of my disbelief. If my thoughts came out in an unedited flow my cynical and caustic attitude toward the church and Christians would be hurtful.
Christians typically can't be honest with themselves about what they think and feel. They are too concerned about figuring out what a Christian should say/think/do that they can't be honest. So they end up lying.
Let me paint a picture for the uninitiated.
It's the end of a typical church service. For the past hour, the music, the praying, and the sermon have all been building to the penultimate moment when the pastor asks this question "If you were to die on the way home from church are you 100% sure you would spend eternity with Jesus." Then the pastor typically says "Every head bowed and every eye closed" Then he leads all the sinners in a prayer accepting Jesus in their hearts so they can be 100% sure that if they hit by a bus they wont end up stoking the fires of Hell.
Then the pastor continues, "While heads are still bowed and eyes are still closed if you prayed that prayer with me and accepted the Lord Jesus as your savior would you just slip your hand up so I could see it."
This is the part where I typically throw up in my mouth. It's the same every time. The Pastor starts saying things like "I see that hand. Yes, I see your hand and your hand. Yes, yes, hands going up all over the sanctuary. Yes, Yes, I see your hand."
The pastor typically tells everyone to look up now and says that anyone who raised their hand should come down front after the service so he can give them a little gift and get them set up with material that will help them in their first days a new Christian.
There are two specific lies that stand out to me in this little interchange that is repeated thousands of times each Sunday.
1.) Anyone who says they are 100% sure that they will spend eternity in Heaven with Jesus is either lying or too stupid to be intellectually honest enough to admit that no one can be 100% sure.
2.) I have seldom seen a Pastor who did not lie about the number of hands they counted. I always look to see who raises their hands (so what? I'm an asshole.). I've seen pastors recognize raised hands like they were auctioning off the prize pig at the county fair, when in reality not a single hand was raised.
What if Christians were just honest and admitted that on bad days they might be only 50% sure that God even exists. What if a pastor admitted that their sermon sucked and no one had a "come to Jesus" moment? Would that be so bad, would that be counterproductive? …
(Pastor, by the way, don't like to admit that no one got saved because in most Christian theology it's the work of the Spirit that brings people to a place of Salvation. If no one gets saved then in reality it's the Spirits failure to act. Christians and Pastor particularly are very uncomfortable with that so they lie to help God save face.)
Have I told you I Hate Christian (most of them anyway)
Let me set the stage
It is three months after I stopped pastoring St, Michael's church in Asscrack, South Carolina. I’m working at a second rate car dealership full criminals, liars, and thieves. I fit right in. Fraud is being committed on a nearly hourly basis by falsifying documents so that lenders will give car loans to the people using food stamps to buy an eight ball from the guy who sits in the desk next to me. I’m living in a borrowed pool house where my son is sleeping in a closet. I have not sold a car in weeks because I’m white and I don’t know enough crack addicts. I have no money, no future, and no idea where I’m going to move my family when we have to move out of the borrowed pool house.
This is not my finest hour.
I am filling my car up with gas to make a 2 hour drive across the toilet bowl they call South Carolina so that I can meet with the Credentials Committee who will decide if I can become an Ordained Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For those lucky enough not to know what a Credentials Committee is, this is basically a group of old pastors who make sure that young pastors meet all the qualification and have all the correct beliefs in order to be considered an ordained minister.
For anyone who knows my full story in the wonderful state of South Carolina you may be asking yourself “Why would he go the trouble, waist the time and money, to do this given what the church has already put him through over the last six months.”
My only answer is that I took far too many blows to head playing football and have become a waterhead.
But I digress
So I drive to some shitty diner, in some shitty small town, in the shitiest of all states so that I can sit in front of a group five spectacularly unsuccessful pastors who will judge my progress in the ordination process and determine if I can continue.
I have little or no idea of what is going to happen in this meeting but after all, how difficult could it be? I knew who would be there and I was relatively sure that this was not going to turn into the IQ Olympics. I’m quick on my feet. I can handle this.
One detail, just so we can all experience this little story together.
Probably eight months prior to this exercise I was asked to answer a series of questions on various topics salient to the church. Theology, Church governance, lifestyle questions, you get the picture. I’m shooting for total honesty when answering these questions, just like now only without the colorful language and the “I’ve finally broken free of the brain washing” attitude.
I wait for a few moments and I’m called back into the private room they have reserved for their meeting. I pour myself a glass of water and wait for the fun to begin. In front of me is a small packed up papers with my name on front and I notice that each of them have something similar in front of them.
There are five people sitting around the table. I don’t remember most of their names but for the sake of the story let’s give them titles. On my right is The Educated Lady, to her right is the Elderly Black Pastor (EBP), to his right is the leader who we can call Mac, to Mac’s right is a man whose contributions were so limited I don’t recall him speaking so we will call him Silent Bob and leave it at that. Finally, to my immediate left is a guy I’ll call Doughboy.
Now let’s be clear, I’m fat. But I’m the kind of fat that if you pissed me off I could flip your car over with you in it. And in my defense I could have called him “Closetboy” but that would be mean.
Mac thanks me for taking the time to come meet with them and asks me to tell everyone how I’ve been doing since I left the church and what I’ve been up to, what I’m doing for work, etc. I answer their questions, leaving out the part about the crack heads I try to sell cars to.
This is generally socially accepted small talk that is likely to start any meeting, so I’m felling relaxed and comfortable. I grew up in the church, these are my people.
The next question seems innocent enough.
Mac: “Where are you and your wife going to church?”
Walter: “We are going to a wonderful church down the street from us named The So and So Baptist Church. “
Mac: “Hmm.”
Doughboy: “Do you mind if I ask a question?”
Walter: {In my head} Oh Shit…
Doughboy: “Why aren’t you going to Pastor Jones’ church that in your town. It’s a Church of God and doing very well. Is there any particular reason you decided to attend a church outside of your own tradition?”
I’m quick on my feet so this is what I consider to be a softball pitch. A lesser man’s attempt to sound important. This can’t possibly be a real issue.
Walter: “Well after going through what I just went through at St. Michaels I felt like me and my family needed a little space. We needed to worship in a place where no one knew who we were. Honestly, I just wanted a healthy church where people would have no idea I was once a pastor.”
EBP: “I see, are you aware of their theological differences from us?”
Walter: {In my head} “No, the degree on my wall is for decoration only”
Walter: “I’m guessing that you are referring to Eternal Security?”
EBP: “Yes, that would be the main difference.”
Ok, for those of you who have a life and don’t understand the argument surround Eternal Security let me break it down like this. If you believe in Eternal Security you believe that once you have a genuine salvation experience with Jesus Christ that nothing you do or say can cause you to loose your salvation. You are Eternally Secure. Obviously, if you believe the opposite you believe that through your actions you can loose your salvation. Baptists believe in Eternal Security and the Church of God (my particular tradition) does not.
Lets continue
Walter: “Yes, there is a difference on that one point of theology but this is a bible believing and bible preaching church. They aren’t preaching heresy and they have a great children program for my son.”
At this point we move and on and I consider the issue closed.
We move on to my answers to the question on the form I filled out almost a year ago. At this point the Educated Lady takes over. They have no issues until we reach the final two questions. These may not be exact reproductions of the questions but close enough.
“Do you now, or have you ever partaken of alcoholic beverages?”
“Do you now, or have you ever used tobacco products.”
On the questionnaire I answered yes to both questions and in the spirit of honesty I chose to elaborate so as not to cause confusion. Mac decided to read my responses aloud.
“Yes, in college there was a time when I drank quite heavily but I have not done so in many years. However, I do on occasion enjoy a glass of wine.”
“Yes, I do enjoy a cigar from time to time. I would guess I smoke roughly four cigars a year.”
You could feel their ass holes pucker when I said “Yes, those are truthful answers”
Doughboy: “Obviously you don’t see anything wrong with that since you are talking to us about it so forthcoming.”
Me: “No, I don’t have any issues with it. You asked a question that I answered honestly.”
The next three comment came in quick machine gin fashion
EBP: “Have you considered that these liberal ideas you have could have influenced your preaching and your congregation picked up on them and that is what caused the problems at St. Michael?”
Doughboy: “How often do you smoke?”
Educated Lady: “You know we believe in Holiness”
I would love to tell you that I blew my top and cut them to pieces over their obvious retardation. However, this was a different life and I was a different person than I am now. No, I simply took their comments, got in my car and drove back to work to hang out with people who treated me better. The crack heads.
I received a letter a month or so later telling me that they could not recommend me for ordination at this time. They did outline a process I should work through in order to clear up the issues in my life and with my theology. They provided a long list of books I should read and asked that I meet with Doughboy on a monthly basis for further counseling.
Let me put this in Walter Mitty terms.
I’m living in a town 10 miles from the church I once pastored and they want me to attend the sister church of that congregation because my choice to attend a Baptist church shows that I have unresolved theological questions. I drink wine on rare occasions and smoke a good cigar on a quarterly basis so I am obviously morally bankrupt. I can go out and spend $19.95 online to get ordained but these wind bags have decided I don’t meet their criteria.
Have I told you that I hate Christians?
They assign me a list of book to read. Not only have read ever single one of these books previously. I’ve read the source material that these authors plagiarized because I am smarter and more intellectually curious than all 5 of these “scholars” put together. Then they want me to spend time with Doughboy, the closet homosexual who wants to “nurture” me back into the fold. Thanks but the visual imagery is bad enough, I’ll pass.
Here’s a list things I should have said in that meeting:
“Which kind of holiness? The church down the street thinks if women don’t cut their hair then they are holy, but a man must cut his hair in order to be holy. Maybe I should have just lied on the form then visited my barber.”
“Let me be clear, I am no longer the pastor at St. Michaels because half the people who attend are racists strait out of the movie Mississippi Burning and I decided to preach a sermon where I talked about the evils of racism. You would have liked it, my main illustration of racism was when a member of my congregation said to a five year old black kid, and I quote ‘Someone put that dog back on its leash’.”
“If by liberal you mean that I reject the notion that when the Bible says Jesus drank and created wine it was really talking about grape juice, then you Sir are correct, I am a flaming liberal”
I don’t really think it would have mattered what I said to them because what small minds these folks possessed were already made up before I arrived.
This is one of the episodes that cemented my position as highly critical and pessimistic about the Church.
Post Script – I must add that I do not hate all Christians. My wife is a Christian as are most of my family and I love each of them very much. There are still precisely 3 pastors that I respect. One of them died several weeks ago but I haven’t found many likely candidates to fill his spot.
It is three months after I stopped pastoring St, Michael's church in Asscrack, South Carolina. I’m working at a second rate car dealership full criminals, liars, and thieves. I fit right in. Fraud is being committed on a nearly hourly basis by falsifying documents so that lenders will give car loans to the people using food stamps to buy an eight ball from the guy who sits in the desk next to me. I’m living in a borrowed pool house where my son is sleeping in a closet. I have not sold a car in weeks because I’m white and I don’t know enough crack addicts. I have no money, no future, and no idea where I’m going to move my family when we have to move out of the borrowed pool house.
This is not my finest hour.
I am filling my car up with gas to make a 2 hour drive across the toilet bowl they call South Carolina so that I can meet with the Credentials Committee who will decide if I can become an Ordained Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For those lucky enough not to know what a Credentials Committee is, this is basically a group of old pastors who make sure that young pastors meet all the qualification and have all the correct beliefs in order to be considered an ordained minister.
For anyone who knows my full story in the wonderful state of South Carolina you may be asking yourself “Why would he go the trouble, waist the time and money, to do this given what the church has already put him through over the last six months.”
My only answer is that I took far too many blows to head playing football and have become a waterhead.
But I digress
So I drive to some shitty diner, in some shitty small town, in the shitiest of all states so that I can sit in front of a group five spectacularly unsuccessful pastors who will judge my progress in the ordination process and determine if I can continue.
I have little or no idea of what is going to happen in this meeting but after all, how difficult could it be? I knew who would be there and I was relatively sure that this was not going to turn into the IQ Olympics. I’m quick on my feet. I can handle this.
One detail, just so we can all experience this little story together.
Probably eight months prior to this exercise I was asked to answer a series of questions on various topics salient to the church. Theology, Church governance, lifestyle questions, you get the picture. I’m shooting for total honesty when answering these questions, just like now only without the colorful language and the “I’ve finally broken free of the brain washing” attitude.
I wait for a few moments and I’m called back into the private room they have reserved for their meeting. I pour myself a glass of water and wait for the fun to begin. In front of me is a small packed up papers with my name on front and I notice that each of them have something similar in front of them.
There are five people sitting around the table. I don’t remember most of their names but for the sake of the story let’s give them titles. On my right is The Educated Lady, to her right is the Elderly Black Pastor (EBP), to his right is the leader who we can call Mac, to Mac’s right is a man whose contributions were so limited I don’t recall him speaking so we will call him Silent Bob and leave it at that. Finally, to my immediate left is a guy I’ll call Doughboy.
Now let’s be clear, I’m fat. But I’m the kind of fat that if you pissed me off I could flip your car over with you in it. And in my defense I could have called him “Closetboy” but that would be mean.
Mac thanks me for taking the time to come meet with them and asks me to tell everyone how I’ve been doing since I left the church and what I’ve been up to, what I’m doing for work, etc. I answer their questions, leaving out the part about the crack heads I try to sell cars to.
This is generally socially accepted small talk that is likely to start any meeting, so I’m felling relaxed and comfortable. I grew up in the church, these are my people.
The next question seems innocent enough.
Mac: “Where are you and your wife going to church?”
Walter: “We are going to a wonderful church down the street from us named The So and So Baptist Church. “
Mac: “Hmm.”
Doughboy: “Do you mind if I ask a question?”
Walter: {In my head} Oh Shit…
Doughboy: “Why aren’t you going to Pastor Jones’ church that in your town. It’s a Church of God and doing very well. Is there any particular reason you decided to attend a church outside of your own tradition?”
I’m quick on my feet so this is what I consider to be a softball pitch. A lesser man’s attempt to sound important. This can’t possibly be a real issue.
Walter: “Well after going through what I just went through at St. Michaels I felt like me and my family needed a little space. We needed to worship in a place where no one knew who we were. Honestly, I just wanted a healthy church where people would have no idea I was once a pastor.”
EBP: “I see, are you aware of their theological differences from us?”
Walter: {In my head} “No, the degree on my wall is for decoration only”
Walter: “I’m guessing that you are referring to Eternal Security?”
EBP: “Yes, that would be the main difference.”
Ok, for those of you who have a life and don’t understand the argument surround Eternal Security let me break it down like this. If you believe in Eternal Security you believe that once you have a genuine salvation experience with Jesus Christ that nothing you do or say can cause you to loose your salvation. You are Eternally Secure. Obviously, if you believe the opposite you believe that through your actions you can loose your salvation. Baptists believe in Eternal Security and the Church of God (my particular tradition) does not.
Lets continue
Walter: “Yes, there is a difference on that one point of theology but this is a bible believing and bible preaching church. They aren’t preaching heresy and they have a great children program for my son.”
At this point we move and on and I consider the issue closed.
We move on to my answers to the question on the form I filled out almost a year ago. At this point the Educated Lady takes over. They have no issues until we reach the final two questions. These may not be exact reproductions of the questions but close enough.
“Do you now, or have you ever partaken of alcoholic beverages?”
“Do you now, or have you ever used tobacco products.”
On the questionnaire I answered yes to both questions and in the spirit of honesty I chose to elaborate so as not to cause confusion. Mac decided to read my responses aloud.
“Yes, in college there was a time when I drank quite heavily but I have not done so in many years. However, I do on occasion enjoy a glass of wine.”
“Yes, I do enjoy a cigar from time to time. I would guess I smoke roughly four cigars a year.”
You could feel their ass holes pucker when I said “Yes, those are truthful answers”
Doughboy: “Obviously you don’t see anything wrong with that since you are talking to us about it so forthcoming.”
Me: “No, I don’t have any issues with it. You asked a question that I answered honestly.”
The next three comment came in quick machine gin fashion
EBP: “Have you considered that these liberal ideas you have could have influenced your preaching and your congregation picked up on them and that is what caused the problems at St. Michael?”
Doughboy: “How often do you smoke?”
Educated Lady: “You know we believe in Holiness”
I would love to tell you that I blew my top and cut them to pieces over their obvious retardation. However, this was a different life and I was a different person than I am now. No, I simply took their comments, got in my car and drove back to work to hang out with people who treated me better. The crack heads.
I received a letter a month or so later telling me that they could not recommend me for ordination at this time. They did outline a process I should work through in order to clear up the issues in my life and with my theology. They provided a long list of books I should read and asked that I meet with Doughboy on a monthly basis for further counseling.
Let me put this in Walter Mitty terms.
I’m living in a town 10 miles from the church I once pastored and they want me to attend the sister church of that congregation because my choice to attend a Baptist church shows that I have unresolved theological questions. I drink wine on rare occasions and smoke a good cigar on a quarterly basis so I am obviously morally bankrupt. I can go out and spend $19.95 online to get ordained but these wind bags have decided I don’t meet their criteria.
Have I told you that I hate Christians?
They assign me a list of book to read. Not only have read ever single one of these books previously. I’ve read the source material that these authors plagiarized because I am smarter and more intellectually curious than all 5 of these “scholars” put together. Then they want me to spend time with Doughboy, the closet homosexual who wants to “nurture” me back into the fold. Thanks but the visual imagery is bad enough, I’ll pass.
Here’s a list things I should have said in that meeting:
“Which kind of holiness? The church down the street thinks if women don’t cut their hair then they are holy, but a man must cut his hair in order to be holy. Maybe I should have just lied on the form then visited my barber.”
“Let me be clear, I am no longer the pastor at St. Michaels because half the people who attend are racists strait out of the movie Mississippi Burning and I decided to preach a sermon where I talked about the evils of racism. You would have liked it, my main illustration of racism was when a member of my congregation said to a five year old black kid, and I quote ‘Someone put that dog back on its leash’.”
“If by liberal you mean that I reject the notion that when the Bible says Jesus drank and created wine it was really talking about grape juice, then you Sir are correct, I am a flaming liberal”
I don’t really think it would have mattered what I said to them because what small minds these folks possessed were already made up before I arrived.
This is one of the episodes that cemented my position as highly critical and pessimistic about the Church.
Post Script – I must add that I do not hate all Christians. My wife is a Christian as are most of my family and I love each of them very much. There are still precisely 3 pastors that I respect. One of them died several weeks ago but I haven’t found many likely candidates to fill his spot.
Large Hairy Chest
I don’t think I have important things to say, but I do think I have a lot of things that are important for me to say. If you can’t grasp that nuance then you should probably stop reading this and go find something a little more on your level say, Nancy Drew or The Hardy Boys.
The things I need to say probably won’t change the world, cure world hunger, or endear me to the masses. However, getting some of this off my large hairy chest might make living in my life somewhat easier.
Let me explain.
Most of what I have to say, at least at the outset, will revolve around religion. More specifically my experiences over the first 30ish years of my life and what I now think about those experiences.
A brief history: I grew up as an evangelical, both of my grandfathers were pastors of evangelical churches, my wife’s father is the pastor of an evangelical church, I spent (wasted?) 4 years of my life as a youth pastor and senior pastor, I had a “salvation” experience at the age of 13 and immediately knew that my life’s calling was to be in full time Christians ministry, I have a degree in Biblical Studies from a Christian college in the Midwest. So when I talk about Church, Faith, and Evangelicals I’m not speaking from ignorance. I’ve ridden the ride and have the t-shirt. (Literally, I have t-shirts that I now refuse to wear that my wife sleeps in.)
After many years of being a Christian I have lost my faith. When I say my faith is gone what I mean is that I no longer believe.
I simply can no longer believe the claims of the particular brand of Christianity that I was raised and educated in.
I’m not ready to call myself an agnostic, yet. I have three basic ties left to my Christian faith 1.) If I am wrong about this, I roast in hell for all eternity (I grew up in an Armenian tradition so my salvation is most certainly lost) 2.) My family and friends 3.) I still believe in God but not the much else. I am holding out hope that someday I will discover something I can believe in.
It would be so much easier if I just believed but I don’t. If not for my wife and kids I would be going to a catholic church. Not because I believe in their theology but because I enjoy the liturgy and symbolism and reverence. I was once a strong proponent for modern worship but now I just wish they would shut up long enough for me to have a serious thought about God in a sacred setting. But since Evangelical churches seldom resemble anything I would consider sacred, I’m pretty much screwed.
Reader: “Why not stop going to church altogether?”
Me: “I’m glad you asked because you have just touched upon the major conflict of my existence.”
Let me Pontificate.
Remember my first reason for clinging to the shreds of my Christian Faith? That’s right, the thought of spending eternity with a God sized cigarette lighter under my ass is not an appealing one. More importantly, and very seriously, I have two small children who I adore. What if I am wrong? What if God is exactly or even close to the God of the protestant Bible? My disbelief is not strong enough to trump the consequences my children might face.
I am more than willing to endure a lifetime of uninspired, unoriginal, blow hard sermons to allow my children to come to faith on their own without my own filth clouding their experience.
Life for those who simply believe is often easier. In some cases ignorance truly is bliss.
Also, sometimes you endure things in order to protect those around you. In this case, my wife and extended family. They know my faith is shaken but not the full extent. Again, the more ignorance, the more bliss.
One of my goals is to be completely honest in everything I write. Other than changing the names to protect the innocent, I want to say everything I’m thinking on a given topic in a completely truthful manner. This is a new thing for most Christians because we lie all the time. We don’t call it lying of course because we are too self-righteous. Pastors by the way are the worst. (I’ll explain more in a subsequent post)
Let me be clear. I am a firm believer in lying, stretching the truth, obscuring facts, and pulling the wool over people eyes. The truth is often a very dangerous thing. One of the reasons I am writing this blog under a pseudonym is because the truth of what I really believe would cause a great deal of pain to a number of people I love.
However, in this exercise I want to get out on paper (megapixels?) what I actually think without the filters. No language filters, (yes folks I have a potty mouth) No morality filters, No filters to protect people from what I truly think. It’s the only way I can think of to truly explore the developments in my life and beliefs.
So, let the discussion begin. (Bible thumpers need not apply. Go back to your first year Bible classes and let the grown ups talk. Fundamentalist beware, I will expose your secret desire to do the motorboat with a stripper.)
The things I need to say probably won’t change the world, cure world hunger, or endear me to the masses. However, getting some of this off my large hairy chest might make living in my life somewhat easier.
Let me explain.
Most of what I have to say, at least at the outset, will revolve around religion. More specifically my experiences over the first 30ish years of my life and what I now think about those experiences.
A brief history: I grew up as an evangelical, both of my grandfathers were pastors of evangelical churches, my wife’s father is the pastor of an evangelical church, I spent (wasted?) 4 years of my life as a youth pastor and senior pastor, I had a “salvation” experience at the age of 13 and immediately knew that my life’s calling was to be in full time Christians ministry, I have a degree in Biblical Studies from a Christian college in the Midwest. So when I talk about Church, Faith, and Evangelicals I’m not speaking from ignorance. I’ve ridden the ride and have the t-shirt. (Literally, I have t-shirts that I now refuse to wear that my wife sleeps in.)
After many years of being a Christian I have lost my faith. When I say my faith is gone what I mean is that I no longer believe.
I simply can no longer believe the claims of the particular brand of Christianity that I was raised and educated in.
I’m not ready to call myself an agnostic, yet. I have three basic ties left to my Christian faith 1.) If I am wrong about this, I roast in hell for all eternity (I grew up in an Armenian tradition so my salvation is most certainly lost) 2.) My family and friends 3.) I still believe in God but not the much else. I am holding out hope that someday I will discover something I can believe in.
It would be so much easier if I just believed but I don’t. If not for my wife and kids I would be going to a catholic church. Not because I believe in their theology but because I enjoy the liturgy and symbolism and reverence. I was once a strong proponent for modern worship but now I just wish they would shut up long enough for me to have a serious thought about God in a sacred setting. But since Evangelical churches seldom resemble anything I would consider sacred, I’m pretty much screwed.
Reader: “Why not stop going to church altogether?”
Me: “I’m glad you asked because you have just touched upon the major conflict of my existence.”
Let me Pontificate.
Remember my first reason for clinging to the shreds of my Christian Faith? That’s right, the thought of spending eternity with a God sized cigarette lighter under my ass is not an appealing one. More importantly, and very seriously, I have two small children who I adore. What if I am wrong? What if God is exactly or even close to the God of the protestant Bible? My disbelief is not strong enough to trump the consequences my children might face.
I am more than willing to endure a lifetime of uninspired, unoriginal, blow hard sermons to allow my children to come to faith on their own without my own filth clouding their experience.
Life for those who simply believe is often easier. In some cases ignorance truly is bliss.
Also, sometimes you endure things in order to protect those around you. In this case, my wife and extended family. They know my faith is shaken but not the full extent. Again, the more ignorance, the more bliss.
One of my goals is to be completely honest in everything I write. Other than changing the names to protect the innocent, I want to say everything I’m thinking on a given topic in a completely truthful manner. This is a new thing for most Christians because we lie all the time. We don’t call it lying of course because we are too self-righteous. Pastors by the way are the worst. (I’ll explain more in a subsequent post)
Let me be clear. I am a firm believer in lying, stretching the truth, obscuring facts, and pulling the wool over people eyes. The truth is often a very dangerous thing. One of the reasons I am writing this blog under a pseudonym is because the truth of what I really believe would cause a great deal of pain to a number of people I love.
However, in this exercise I want to get out on paper (megapixels?) what I actually think without the filters. No language filters, (yes folks I have a potty mouth) No morality filters, No filters to protect people from what I truly think. It’s the only way I can think of to truly explore the developments in my life and beliefs.
So, let the discussion begin. (Bible thumpers need not apply. Go back to your first year Bible classes and let the grown ups talk. Fundamentalist beware, I will expose your secret desire to do the motorboat with a stripper.)
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